Footprints on the Web

I see new graduates with eager eyes waiting to get into investment banks for the prestige and paycheck. They might try to convince you its for another cause but really don’t let them fool you because whatever else it is, they are able to accomplish it elsewhere without having to make a deal with the devil. Those graduates don’t really know what they are getting into. Especially the colored females like me. They don’t know what they need to put up with, really close their eyes and ears and brush off compared to their white male counterparts. Its 2023 and the fact that corporations still give people the opportunities to say this cliché is sickening.

I remember being new to the team and company. The team definitely had a very high school like culture. There was the ‘in team’ with the popular kids and the others. The in-team got to lead and be in projects that were deemed interesting business/product lines and would give employees more exposure to the right senior folks thus paving their way up the corporate ladder. I was not part of the in-team and neither did I have any desire to be. They did lunches together and evening outings. I did rather have spent my lunches walking around financial district and going to the dog park with my dog in the evenings. I remember being approached by one of the analysts in the team one day randomly. She had made her way to the in-team.

‘You tend to keep to yourself’, she said. ‘Why is that? Are you new to NY?’.

I smiled and said, ‘ I am not new to NY. I just like my own company.’

‘People in the team are not quite sure about you. Are you a lesbian?’

I smile again. ‘I am not. Unfortunately. Is that a problem?’

‘No, there’s just talk in the team just thought you must be a lesbian because you just don’t come across very….. you know, feminine.’

As I get acquainted with the team in the coming months, I learn that she had a reputation for blurting things out. ‘She’s French’ I was told.

The line of intrusive, inappropriate and discriminatory questions did not stop during my tenure with the bank. I used to bike to work. On really scorching hot days of summer, I tried to bike as slow as possible so as to not to have sweat pouring down me by the time I got to the office. I have been asked if I biked in my skirt or changed once I got to the office, both by men and women. When I said I did not pack an extra set of clothes, I got a look of disapproval. Biking in a skirt was not very lady like of me I was told. To which I remember asking, ‘Why? Because I am letting construction workers in NY peak down to see if they can catch a glimpse of my underwear?’ All I got were eyerolls as a response.

Sexism was not hid very well at the bank. But when it was out, they did a damn good job at brushing it off or sweeping it under the rug. I had the opportunity of working with a coworker who had a reputation of being a chauvinist. He is your typical alpha male, ex-military who spends a good part of his life in the gym lifting weights. For a project I was leading, I had sent out an email with timelines for milestones. My manager and his manager were included in the communication as well since the 4 of us were involved in the planning of the project. He responded to my email with a lengthy, derogatory email. As soon as I received the email, I got a text from my white, male manager with the words “Do not respond to his email. I will talk to his manager.” I responded saying I did not intend to. I realized that the email was offensive enough that my manager felt the need to step in without me pointing out the same. At the moment, I felt happy that I was being treated fairly by my manager. But I never heard back -not from my manager, the guy or his manager. It was swept under the rug. I felt so insulted that he was allowed to speak to me and other women on the floor in this manner. To this day he has the same reputation and is yet to face any repercussions.

An internal client who was similar in nature- alpha male, referred to men in the room or on call as “bros” and “dudes”- was at a senior level and definitely did not enjoy it when I came asking him questions about his product line and business. His team, hired by him, were all men. I remember being in conference rooms or calls with him, his team and my team where he would not address me or even look at me when I directed a question him. He would have rather looked at or spoken to the men in my team regardless of the fact they did not run the project nor were they the ones with questions. Given my previous experience of having no support from my manager left very little desire in me to raise this one. I just did not want to be ‘that’ female employee.

Another instance with an external client is harder to forget. We were having celebratory drinks at a bar with him and 3 of my colleagues when he referred to me as a ‘pocket rocket’. He went on to laugh about it and so did all my colleagues. Honestly, at the time I did not know what the word meant. The following week, when the male colleague who was at the bar, repeated the story to 2 of my other male colleagues in the office and they all had a chuckle. One of them said, ‘Wow, I can’t believe you let him be inappropriate to you like that!’. I turned toward him and asked, ‘ What do you mean? Why, what does that mean?’. All 3 men looked at each other and dismissed it off. I am sure he didn’t mean it, they said. After the group dispersed I asked the guy who made the comment about what it actually meant. He didn’t believe I was being serious.

‘You are not that naïve, are you?’

‘No seriously. I don’t know what it means.’

He typed something on his phone and held it up to show me. It was the urban dictionary definition of pocket rocket. A small vibrating dildo. Not sure what I was more disappointed at. The fact that an external client had the audacity of calling me such a degrading name with my coworkers in front of me or that none of my coworkers stood up for me knowing what it meant.

Our team was made up of mostly ‘Yes men’. Whatever management said or asked was what prevailed. No one challenged or questioned. This was not the norm. One might call it an easy going team. But few of us saw a lot of passive aggressiveness. I recollect being told during my annual review by one of my male managers that my ‘confidence is intimidating’ and as a result he did not see me getting ahead in the promotion line. Not overconfidence. Just confidence. Imagine working hard and trying to improve things in the team by questioning the norm because that is what your senior management at your previous employers welcomed, encouraged and fostered. To be told that your confidence is holding you back does a number on your self-esteem, motivation and drive as an employee. Trust me. The manager who spoke those words to me has two young girls and I sure hope to God that is not how he speaks to them during his motivational dad & daughter talks.

The tone is often set at the top. Manager follow and treat their employees depending on what they witness and learn from their managers. The senior director of our team was quite a character. A strange one with lack of social and communication skills some might say. But as with all things in life, I wanted to see to it myself. At one of our team meetings that filled up a board room of 20+people, he thought it was appropriate to make a joke about the paternity of a married female employee who had just announced she was having a baby. A junior male analyst who fumbled his words in congratulating her right after she announced it, was mocked by the director saying ‘why are you so nervous? It’s not your kid, is it?’. He went onto laugh and laugh. And laugh. No one laughed. Except his direct reports, who were our managers, who managed to crack awkward smiles. The female employee was offended and raised it with our manager as to how uneasy she felt by the director’s comment. Nothing was communicated or done. Again, it was an ‘innocent joke’ and swept under.

The same director have made inappropriate comments to me over the years. Or should I say ‘innocent’ comments. Being a foreign national, I was initially working on a work visa in the team and had later switched my visa status. He was not involved in the process, yet he felt it was appropriate to tell me that he ‘is glad that ICE will not be coming to get’ me. This was at the peak of events happening in the country where ICE (U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement) was deporting loads of illegal immigrants, separating families and detaining little kids without parental care. The whole country was torn over the turmoil this was causing. I was taken back at his insensitive comment let alone the timing of it.

Every couple of years I cut and donate my hair to cancer patients. When I do this, I go super short almost pixie cut like because this way they get more hair to make more wigs. One year I had done it and walked into office, he kept staring at me. For awhile. Totally unprovoked, he felt the need to come upto me and tell me how he did not like my new short hair style. To receive such an unsolicited comment at a work place, from your director who decided your promotion, merit increase and bonus, is rather uncomfortable, unsettling and plain awkward. But he is also one who feels the urge to say that women who sit at meetings twirling their hair will never be taken seriously and berate male employees in the team if they are not clean shaven.

Corporations everywhere now have been mandated to have diversity and inclusion in their workforce. Including the big guns. Since the George Floyd incident, they wasted no time in creating a big show and tell of training programs, events, etc. all focused on D&I. My team was a step ahead in that we had a very diverse team. It seemed great and refreshing. At first. Then I started noticing things, hearing comments and I took a deeper look. But what about inclusion? Many of these corporations are so quick to check the box of diversity & inclusion just to satisfy numbers and regulators that they forget the big picture. As I sit at my desk and look right in front of me, all six glass window offices are occupied by older, white men. I don’t see any representation. I don’t see one of me. It is 2023 and the banking industry is still stuck in a dinosaur era with antiquated mentality, attitude and culture. Over the course of my time with the team, female employees either left the team or company. The team were mostly men with the exception of one analyst level female employee. Most of the female employees who left the team were of color including myself who was transferred to another team by management.

There was another team on our floor who almost exclusively hired individuals who spoke Russian. The team did not work with Russian clients. Job descriptions did not mention Russian. But there was a strong preference. And it was known to all.

It’s not just the words. It’s the dirty actions as well. And I mean literally.  I have seen poop (yes, actual human feces) on the floor of a bathroom of these big, flashy banking office buildings. Not in the toilet bowl, but fresh and outside the toilet bowl. I have also seen executives who think it is fine to not wash their hands after using the toilet. During a COVID pandemic!

I also have had a male employee grab me in the elevator and hold my arms so tight that I could not move. It was unprovoked and we had not spoken a word to each other. It was just the two of us in the elevator. He let out a loud laugh and exited the elevator once the elevator door opened. I stood there frozen in shock. I did not know his name. I had seen him occasionally on the floor as he worked in one of the other teams. When I got back to my seat, I told my male coworker about this and pointed out the guy who did this. He said “huh, I am sure he was just messing around”.

So new graduates, I ask you, is this the environment you want to be working in day in day out? Working for corporate banks in their skyscraper offices with fat paychecks, is prestigious alright. They might seem like ‘innocent’ comments and actions but their consistency will be tireless, ruthless and creep up on your mental health before you know it. What is the cost you are willing to pay just to wear those golden handcuffs?